


Hidden love within a past life

by loverofanimeandmanga



Category: Mo Dao Zu Shi
Genre: F/M, New life/reincarnation, Romance, this is not a modern au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-08-03 09:18:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16323479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loverofanimeandmanga/pseuds/loverofanimeandmanga
Summary: I chose to let you go, even though I love you.Will I be able to get my feelings across to you in this life...?A fan fic on Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan. Feelings from a past life.New beginnings, yet memories unchanged.





	1. What Lies Behind My Harsh Words.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic. Please excuse my grammar mistakes, and summaries. I don’t know how to do them 😞

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fanfic Mo Dao Zu Shi Madam Yu x Jiang Fengmian  
> I chose to let you go even though I love you.  
> 

{Chapter One}  
*Madam Yu POV*

 

  
In this world all I ever wanted was you, but I'm always too late. Even in my dreams, in distant memories from a past life, I only ever saw your back faced towards me. In the purple robes you wore so proudly. Always walking away from me. So why does it look so pained. The answer always was clear, it was me wasn't it.

 

  
The wife you were forced to marry and never loved, because you were still in love with her. Would you laugh if you found out I truly did love you and even now I still love you. Would you laugh if I said that I was the one who wanted to marry you and insisted to my parents we get married. That I was not forced to marry you but you were the one forced to marry me. When you said, "But they are the ones who will be spending the rest of their lives together. If they do not care for each other yet are forced into marriage by their parents wishes."

 

 

Even though you were against Jiang Yanli and Jin ZiXuan's engagement, I could not stand to hear it. You saying those words felt like you were rejecting me once again. Were you aware of how much it hurt me? You didn't did you, because I hid my feelings behind harsh words so that I could hide my pain and hang onto the little bit of hope that you loved me too. It's ironic really. I'm here standing before you right know, but even now your back is once again facing me.

 

  
You are wearing different colored robes, as you are no longer Jiang Fengmian, leader of Yunmeng Jiang sect and I am no longer Madam Yu. There is know longer anything I can do to tie you to me. All I can do now is give you the happiness you've always wanted and the only way I can do that is let you go. Even though I chose to let you go I can't seem to stop loving you. Which should be expected right. As my love for you has carried over from my past life till now.

 

  
I laugh at the thought of knowing I will never get over you. But even so, I made the decision to let you go. I'll stay in your life until you find the one you've always been searching for, but couldn't because you were stuck with me. Once you've found that special someone I will forever disappear from your sight. No longer watching, no longer listening to anyone who speaks your name, or of the happiness in which you would gain. As my heart will for ever be broken in the endless river of thoughts and heartache.

 

  
Knowing this, I still chose to let you go. But before I decide on anything else I wish to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being the wife you never wanted. I'm sorry for always being the reason as to why your back always faced me. I am your wife. No, I was your wife. Yet I could not trust anything you said.

 

  
No, it was not that I could not trust anything you said but because you never explained anything. Not even the vaguest of answers that would have cleared my doubts and insecurities . I couldn't help but think that maybe-.

  
*2nd Person POV*

 

  
In that moment a ferocious corpse launched towards Yu Ziyuan, releasing an ear piercing scream. I am a prideful woman and yet I dare let my mind wonder! In an instant her mood changed from dejected to enraged. She pounced, wrapping her legs around the neck of the corpse fluidly, gracefully moving her hands to twist its head around with a sickening crack. A vibrant red stains her pale snow complexion, clothes soaking the blood up greedily. Her eyes shine, a breathtaking gleam of purple-ish hues that hides a raging inferno.

 

  
She gracefully lands on the ground like that of War Maiden. Elegant yet powerful. An immoveable force strikes fear to anyone who saw. A light touch that turned into a strong hold, restricted her from moving. She turned to look at the person who dared to place their hand upon her wrist but froze, her facial expressions changing from rage to utter shock. The only response to her surprise was the slight hitch of breath as she sees none other than the person she chose to give up.


	2. Why Do You Resemble Her?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fanfic Mo Dao Zu Shi Madam Yu x Jiang Fengmian  
> Will I be able to get my feelings across to you in this life Yu Ziyuan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Jiang Fengmian will be called Jin Fengmian. I wanted him to be from a diffrent clan but keep some of his name, he will also refer to himself as Jiang Fengmian. The same goes for Yu Ziyuan. She will know be called Nie Ziyuan and will also refer to herself as Yu Ziyuan.

{Chapter Two}  
*Jiang Fengmian POV*

 

  
Without realizing he grabbed onto the wrist of the maiden who wore robes covered in blood, resembling a women he's seen a million times in reoccurring dreams. Dreams of a beautiful, refined lady. Vigorious and unyeilding, she who bore harsh words against him like daggers impaling his heart. He immediately cursed himself for even thinking this women was her. He tries to come up with an excuse as to why he grabbed her wrist but instead asks, "Who are you?" His eyes trail from her hand to her face. Her eyes reflecting that of a dark violet storm clashing with mixed emotions, mournful yet yearning. Thin eye brows curve in, as her mouth turns to that of spiteful smile. Once again resembling the women in purple and as such his grip loosened.

 

  
She hums half-assed. "How impetuous of you, Jin Fengmian." A humourless laugh escapes her lips that had curved up into a wicked sneer. " 'Who am I' he asks? No one of importance if you so carelessly forget something as little as a name." The fire in her eyes die, turning downcast where scattered blood paints the grass red. The after-math of her righteous fury that sent her into a frenzied haze.

 

  
White teeth pull at her bottom lip, trying with no avail to stop the trembling from showing. Her prevoiusly furrowed eyebrows draw together as her thoughts wander aimlessly through broken timelines. Where dreams are but a distant memory linger in the fore-sight of her mind. Eyes gleaming as if tears were to well, but stay stored behind her stubborn gaze. "Oh how fate can be so twisted. Constantly turning against me, as if in spite." A loud and cruel laugh then came from her tightly shut lips, hastily yanking her hand away from his. "It is fine that you do not remember, only those who are worthy can utter my name."

 

  
The green ribbon that once secured her hair in a high pony-tail fell to the ground. Like smooth brush strokes soaked in black ink portraying the easy flow of hair cascading in the breeze. With every stride she took her lushious strands of long hair swayed. Jin Fengmian, stunned, stood in shock. As the moonlight casts shadows upon her receeding form, creating a dark atmosphere, a heavy sigh breaks the growing tension.

 

  
_'I can no longer deny that you do not resemble her. You are the woman in my dreams. The very same woman I have longed to tell my thoughts to. In a past life we once shared together as Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu, the leaders of the Yunmeng Jiang Sect. You were never able to tell my gestures of love towards you, because you believe I was infatuated with Cangse-Sanren. Remember the time I tried to give you that Jade hairpin? It was to show the feelings I held for you in which I could never say aloud, not a gift to calm your anger._

 

  
_'This was not meant as a means for you to accept the decision that I and the Jin Sect leader took apon ourselves to revoke the engagement of Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan. The words in which I spoke did not refer to us, it was solely meant for them. Thinking back, I could not come up with an anwser as to why you were so upset. Wasn't our marriage unfruitful because it was forced upon us as well? Perhaps if I conveyed the affections I had towards you or justified the actions I took, the life we lived with our children would have been prosperous._

 

  
_'The one thing I regret in our life before is not being able to confess my true emotions. The moment you died it was like my heart froze in my chest, a complete numbness that absolutely killed me many times over before my initial death. So I will stay by your side in this life, and keep the vow I promised in the uphold in my last moments. In this life, I will choose to hold onto you.'_

 

  
His breath catches at the serene picture before him. Her back now facing towards him in a ironic twist of fate, hair as dark as clouded midnight sky guarding her rigid form. Puffs of mist espacing her lips in short, calming breaths, ebbing away into the empty night. His gaze softens, hands slightly reaching as if in protest of her departure before falling back to his sides. The wind carries his silent whisper towards the safety of rustling leaves,

 

"If I do this, will I be able to get my feelings across to you in this life. Yu Ziyuan."

 


	3. Requited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ???

{ Chapter three }

* Madam Yu and Jiang Fengmian POV*

 

The moon light that shines through gaping tree leaves adorns Nie Ziyuan figure. She walks along an eroded path that leads to an old abounded per. This is not a lotus per. The life she lived is not the same, and although she lives a different life she still remembers, never getting the break she all so very much wanted. She kneels down in the abounded per surrounded by water. Koi fish dance playfully near the surrounding bank, were plum blossom trees grow. Countless plum blossoms glide ever so carefully onto the waters surface, distorting her already muddled reflection.

 

The memories she so wishfully wanted to forget. Desperately wanting the love she carry's, and her endless emotions to all disappear. Yet fate would not let that happen, it so cruelly made her remember. Looking up towards the sky her blooded complexion seemed fitting, a maiden who has lost so much now wishes nothing. The petals that fall and dance tranquilly on the waters surface mock her.

 

Nie Ziyuan

 

At the mention of her name her eyes widened, although the tone is is now different theirs no way she would mistake it. Her head falls slightly to gaze at the surrounding lake. "Hmmm" an intolerant hum escaped her slightly gaping lips. "So you know my name."Clearly not in the mood for small chat, she stands up and slowly walks past him.

 

 

His heart squeezed memories resurface their constant arguing, their children. Though what he remembers most is not the night in which she died, but the feelings in which he could never get across. As not to let the same mistake happen again he says.

 

I truly did love you Yu Ziyuan

 

Upon hearing her name from a past life, and the words she had longed to hear. Her voice trembles. "You loved me. It's a little late to say that now Jiang Fengmian, you loved me. Then you truly had a hard way of showing it." A small wisp full smile appears on her lips as she says "and not now?" Turning her head slightly wanting an answer, she thought she would never hear.

 

"You always find fault in my words."

A snarky remark was her reply "Well it not hard!"

A small loving smile appears on his face. "Even now.

 

The mid night air has never felt warm. The sound of levels and branches have never sounded comforting. Yet tonight it was different the sound of rustling tree brunches sounded pleasant. The frosty night air turned warm. The scenery in which had mocked her, no longer hurts her. Her purple hues glisten. The tear that had formed long ago now trickled down her check.

 

Even now I love you.

 

The loving smile in which she only ever showed their children formed. The tear that slowly trickled down her check fell. She was beautiful, her gaze pure of any anger. The plum blossoms that danced and fell made her all the more alluring.

 

 

"I had chosen to give up on you."each word she spoke was hard to hear.

Because I had loved you.

 

Robes cress under tightly clenched fist. It was truly unbearable, every second that passed felt like hours, and every word she spoke hurts more than the last. A gust of wind below past their still figures tossing their long black hair into the air.

 

She whispers just loud enough for him to hear. And I still love u now.


End file.
